Loss of Contact

As a medical mama, I get most aggravated over eyes and meds.  These are the two things that seem to never go right around here and are the source of my greatest frustrations.  Today it’s the eyes.

Insurance will pay for one pair of your contacts every three months.  Losing them before that time is up means we are out of pocket $250. Per eye. I would have no reservations paying that IF there was a guarantee that those contacts would stick around.  But there’s not.

Take this month for example.  Thanks to backorders and shipping delays you were without contacts for three weeks. Once they arrived the first one was lost after two days.  Your right eye we are told is completely blind so technically it doesn't need a contact, although I like to keep one in there just in case.  I figure it is best to treat that eye like it can see, rather than damage it further by assuming it is blind. But when we are down to only one contact it has to go in the left. That one was lost this morning only 10 minutes after I put it in. How does that happen??

I’ll tell you how it happens. If I don’t put the contacts in right, make sure they are perfectly aligned or check often enough to make sure they are still in place, you rub your eyes.  Well of course you do! Knowing we lost a contact and it was probably my fault is one of the quickest ways to make me grouchy.

So now we are faced with the decision.  Go nearly three months without any contacts (which for you equates to complete blindness) or order the contacts taking the risk that in a few days we might find ourselves in the same situation—blind and but now out $500?

Think, think, think…

Bugged Out

It took you longer to bounce back from your "Audrey episode" this time than it usually does. When Liam woke up yesterday morning vomiting, it made me wonder if you had the same bug. Last night it hit Daddy and took me down a few hours later.  Since you still hadn't fully recovered by this afternoon, it seems most likely that you were sick-sick rather than Audrey-sick.

That left us no choice but to cancel the brow surgery that was scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am so ready to get this taken care of for you and protect your "good" eye. But after losing Luke, I am not willing to take any chances.  This is a minor procedure with our greatest risks being infection and anesthesia. Still, I am as concerned I ever have been for a major surgery before.  I don't think my heart could take--well I don't even want to type it out.  I just want everything to go smoothly, get in, get out, and not take any unnecessary risks.

We don't have a new date yet, but it will most likely be a few weeks off.  I'll work on getting that scheduled, you work on getting healthy.

Gecko Grief

Yesterday a gecko made his way into the house. In six years of living here, that has happened two other times.  Liam helped take care of the most recent of these. The other I was pregnant with you, and since I didn't keep a blog during that time, I thought I'd share this memory with you.

I woke up during the night--probably to go to the bathroom--and went to the kitchen for a drink of water.  On my way back to bed something caught my eye on the living room floor, slightly illuminated by the moonlight.  Everything is a bit more ominous in the dark, so rather than just scooping it up, I bent down and poked it, looking for clues.  My first thought was a gummy worm, but knew that wasn't right, so I poked it again.  Slowly, as my eyes somewhat adjusted, a thought registered in my mind and I caused me to take a couple steps back.  I flipped the light switch on the wall, and walked back to the unidentified object with dread.  I looked down, and as my fears were confirmed, let out a terrified scream...or two...or more.  Daddy had been sleeping but ran into the living room faster than I would have thought possible, certain I had cut off my hand or was being held at gunpoint.  When all he found was a gecko on the floor, he was pretty stunned.

But to me it wasn't just a gecko. It was a gecko that had been torn apart by our cats and I had touched it.  TWICE. Plus, this one was transparent and I could see all of it's gross insides through its thin skin. And the eyes...ewww, the eyes. I tried to explain all this through my sobs while holding my right hand out to the side as if it was leprous. Though he didn't understand, Daddy pretended he did and walked me to the kitchen sink so I could wash my hands. Once there I refused to touch my right hand with my left.  So he washed it for me.

In hindsight I'm thinking hormones might have played a small role in this situation.

Sick Shnook

Last night you were up all night long sick.  It's the usual Audrey episode--vomiting, diarrhea, fever. I'm hoping you get back to your normal self quickly so that you can still have your ptosis surgery on Friday.  This surgery is way overdue--an infection this close to your "good" eye makes me nervous.  A couple times your lid has swollen and your eye has gotten a little gunky.  We've got to protect whatever vision you have!

Revival

I am so behind on your blog.  Really I am behind on everybody's, but yours more than the rest. Catching up on the last several months seems like a huge task so I put it off, putting me further behind, which overwhelms me all the more. See this cycle I am stuck in?

Even though it doesn't show, your blog is special to me. Now that Luke is gone I am so grateful for his blog and regret that I didn't write at all for his last month. My only consolation is that the time I didn't spend recording memories was time spent making them. I know the day will most likely come (hopefully very far from now) when your blog will have just as much importance as Luke's does now. So my plan is to just jump in and start writing again and then go back and fill in the last nine months with whatever I can, whenever I can.

So here we go...the revival of your blog starts......NOW!

Suture Situation

There is one suture from your ptosis surgery nearly four years ago that occasionally gets infected.  It swells up and a hard lump forms in the middle of your brow. A couple weeks of antibiotics usually takes care of it.  But this last time the meds didn't help. The pressure from the pus got so great that it formed a pimple on your brow.  This pimple popped and scabbed. The pus from the still present infection kept the scab moist from underneath, making it easy to accidentally scrape off when changing your clothes or in the bath. After a couple months and several rounds of new scabs, I can now plainly see the suture whenever a scab doesn't cover it.

With Luke's medical issues and then death, many things that would otherwise have been considered priority were neglected. This is one of those things.  I should have had it taken care of much sooner, but it is finally at the top of my to-do list.

So today we saw Dr. U and he agreed, it needs to be removed.  The plan is to have a surgery to remove the suture, let it heal completely and then go back in to sling the lid up if necessary.  He says occasionally there is enough scar tissue that there is no need to repeat the surgery.  Definitely hoping that is the case for you!

Birthday Princess

You came home from school today with a birthday crown.  Four looks good on you.