Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Time Flies

Goodness, it has been a long time since I have written to you. I couldn't even tell you what all we have been up to--just normal day to day activities, trying to survive I guess. We are somewhat settling into a new routine with Liam--fortunately he hasn't changed your schedule too much. What has thrown us off is sickness. A couple weeks ago you got an eye infection, so you have been on antibiotics which have upset your stomach (and bottom). Then last week you started cutting a couple more teeth. That is always a rough time for us, since it leads to fever, vomiting, diarrhea. Plus you have been so sensitive lately! Things that would usually never upset you have set you to crying as if you were heartbroken. I can't wait till all these teeth are in.

Last week we went to have another CT Scan done, and yesterday we went to TCH to get the results. Your ventricles have reduced in size. They are nowhere near normal, and our surgeon says they never will be. Still, they look better and he is very happy with the results. Remember, my biggest fear was that they would reduce too much and cause your brain to pull away from your skull. In nine months we will check up on you again. More good news...your hair is growing back much more quickly than I expected!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Super Sister

You are so CUTE with your brother! Daddy and I agree that you definitely know there is something different about that little baby. You smile and laugh whenever you two lay next to each other. When you sit up to look at Liam, you get very peaceful, reach out to touch him, and do a great job of focusing your eyes on him. In fact, tonight you tucked your chin better than ever in order to get a good look at him!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Miss Independent

You like your brother. Really you do. He makes you laugh when he cries, spits up, or passes gas. But I think you are missing having all of Mommy's attention. Today when I put you down for a nap, you cried for over an hour. You don't ever cry when you go down for a nap. Even if you don't think you are tired, you just talk to yourself until you eventually fall asleep. This cry wasn't one of pain, irritability, or sleepiness--it was pure sadness. Which made me feel terrible. All I wanted to do was get you up and spend some time just you and me. If I hadn't been up all night with Liam and could have seen straight, I would have. Instead I laid in bed, exhausted and feeling bad, waiting for you to fall asleep.

I wish I could explain to you what is happening. I wish I could tell you that for now, you are the big girl, much more independent than Liam, and he needs more help from Mommy. But it won't be long until roles are reversed and you will have more of my attention again. Surely, the two of you will continue to cycle back and forth depending on what phase you are in at the time. I know it is hard right now for you though and I am sorry. Hang in there babydoll. Tomorrow Daddy will be home, and you and I can have some special time together.

You are such a sweet girl though. You would never hold it against me that you don't get as much one-on-one time now. You give me the biggest grins, just for picking you up or saying your name. Any attention thrills you. And today, for the first time ever, when I held you on my chest, you held me back. Just a little bit of pressure around my shoulder, but definitely intentional. Ironically, around 3 am this morning while I was burping Liam, he held onto me also. I teared up for a moment, thinking about you and how you have never been able to do that. I knew it would be no time before Liam could give me a hug, but didn't know if I could ever expect one from you. I had to quickly divert my thoughts so that my hormones didn't lead me down the road to a pity party. So this afternoon, it wouldn't have felt any better if you had wrapped your arms around my neck and given me a big squeeze. Just that tiny bit of loving was the best gift you could have given me.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Bringing Home Baby

Our first family picture.

Today we brought home a healthy little brother for you! You were in the waiting room when he was born, and met him shortly after. Then you came up to the hospital to spend some time with him the next afternoon. But today when we all got home, we put you two on the floor together for some "getting to know you" time.

My compassionate girl is no more--at least when it comes to Liam. I was so concerned you would get sad and pouty when he cried, just like you do for any other baby. No, you think your squeaky little brother is hilarious. When he starts to whimper and cry softly, you laugh, and when he revs up and cries loudly, you look...amused. In this video, he is spitting up and you just laugh and laugh. I guess you think it is funny when it is someone other than you!

Speaking of spitting up...I was afraid you were about to throw up all over Liam in this video. But then I decided you were just showing him who's the boss. At least you started out sweetly petting him...

Monday, November 2, 2009

Bowers, Party of Four

This morning Daddy and I are going to the hospital to have your brother, Liam. Grammy is on her way right now to be with you, and you will stay at her house over the next couple days.

I am excited to meet him, see what he is like. We decided not to do genetic testing, so while we can't be 100% sure that he doesn't have the same syndrome, we are pretty confident he will be a healthy boy. God has been so good to give me a peace throughout the entire pregnancy. I worried more about your health while I was pregnant with you, and I had no reason to suspect anything would be wrong. This time I am just trusting God, knowing that no matter what, Liam will be a huge blessing in our lives and we will get through whatever might come.

So while I am sitting here, calm about the delivery and the baby, I am nervous about how you will handle this big change. A month ago, I would have thought you would be oblivious to a new baby in the house. Having been deprived sight for so long, you can't see your surroundings well, and many things go without notice--or at least reaction. However, since the shunt surgery, you have improved so much, in so many ways. You definitely will realize there is some competition. And that is assuming (which I never do anymore) that he is perfectly healthy and we will come home right away. I am not sure what will happen if he has a NICU stay like you did. Regardless, your whole world is about to be flipped upside down, and you are sleeping sweetly and without a clue in the next room.

I love you SO much. Last night Daddy and I had so many last minute preparations, that we three didn't get to spend as much time cuddling like I was hoping. Today we will become a family of four, and I wanted to savor those last few hours as a threesome. Still, I have so many sweet memories from our first 17 months together. I used to think that it would have been better to have my SLO baby last. That way "family planning" (as if there were such a thing) would be easier. But I wouldn't change things if I could. I have loved focusing on you, and older children would have suffered had you come later. God knows what he is doing, that is for sure.

And for that reason, I will put my anxious heart to rest, give you a big kiss goodbye, and leave for the hospital with Daddy. Our lives will never be the same after today, but it's going to be good for everyone. You'll see.