Monday, November 2, 2009

Bowers, Party of Four

This morning Daddy and I are going to the hospital to have your brother, Liam. Grammy is on her way right now to be with you, and you will stay at her house over the next couple days.

I am excited to meet him, see what he is like. We decided not to do genetic testing, so while we can't be 100% sure that he doesn't have the same syndrome, we are pretty confident he will be a healthy boy. God has been so good to give me a peace throughout the entire pregnancy. I worried more about your health while I was pregnant with you, and I had no reason to suspect anything would be wrong. This time I am just trusting God, knowing that no matter what, Liam will be a huge blessing in our lives and we will get through whatever might come.

So while I am sitting here, calm about the delivery and the baby, I am nervous about how you will handle this big change. A month ago, I would have thought you would be oblivious to a new baby in the house. Having been deprived sight for so long, you can't see your surroundings well, and many things go without notice--or at least reaction. However, since the shunt surgery, you have improved so much, in so many ways. You definitely will realize there is some competition. And that is assuming (which I never do anymore) that he is perfectly healthy and we will come home right away. I am not sure what will happen if he has a NICU stay like you did. Regardless, your whole world is about to be flipped upside down, and you are sleeping sweetly and without a clue in the next room.

I love you SO much. Last night Daddy and I had so many last minute preparations, that we three didn't get to spend as much time cuddling like I was hoping. Today we will become a family of four, and I wanted to savor those last few hours as a threesome. Still, I have so many sweet memories from our first 17 months together. I used to think that it would have been better to have my SLO baby last. That way "family planning" (as if there were such a thing) would be easier. But I wouldn't change things if I could. I have loved focusing on you, and older children would have suffered had you come later. God knows what he is doing, that is for sure.

And for that reason, I will put my anxious heart to rest, give you a big kiss goodbye, and leave for the hospital with Daddy. Our lives will never be the same after today, but it's going to be good for everyone. You'll see.

1 comment:

Meg said...

You are so amazing, Amber. And SUCH a good writer, which I'm sure you hear all the time. So excited for you guys and your new little guy!