Here comes the sun...

I had planned on filling in the holes of Daddy's blog with my perspective of the hours leading up to and resulting in our trip to the ER and stay at the PICU. I just don't have the energy though. The whole experience was so exhausting--physically and emotionally--and I am worn out just thinking about it. And he did a great job explaining everything. So for now, I am going to leave it at that.

We left the hospital Sunday afternoon. Originally we were told we would probably leave closer to the next Wednesday, but you were doing so well we were discharged early. Everyone was so grateful to be home. Daddy didn't leave the hospital since we had arrived on Tuesday. Liam spent most all of everyday with Honey or Grammy until I came and picked him up each night. And going back and forth didn't leave me much time with any of the three of you. We all missed each other a lot.

This week has been very rough. Monday was the worst. You cried non-stop and I could hardly blame you. You were still getting over the Adeno virus that they suspect led to your massive dehydration and shock (I have my doubts). So you had a fever. Your bottom was bleeding because you were constantly pooping and I couldn't keep your diaper clean. Whenever I changed it, you would bite your arm in pain. Your top molars are coming in, and your eye teeth are coming further down also. Your throat was sore from being intubated for three days. With all this going on, I couldn't decide what was hurting the most, so I just treated everything as best as I could. But the best fix was just to hold you all the time. Which I gladly would have done. Except...

Liam was super clingy this week also. He had fun at Grammy and Honey's but had never been away from me for that long in one day, let alone 3 days in a row. He wanted to be held all day also.

I am pretty good at holding both of you at the same time when everyone is happy and calm. But you weren't happy and he wasn't calm. So I would hold you and let him cry for a bit, then hold him and let you cry. At 3:30 I called Daddy and told him I needed him to come home STAT (we looked up what that meant while in the hospital after a doctor ordered a pacifier STAT for a crying baby next to you - Sooner Than Already There). Thank goodness the rest of the week Honey and Grammy took turns coming for a couple hours a day to help me keep you two happy and myself sane.

Over the week, Bubby transitioned from crying if I wasn't holding him, to crying if I wasn't talking to him and looking at him, to crying if he couldn't see me, to his normal self. It wasn't until yesterday that you started making a little turn for the better. Didn't cry as much, but still overall very fussy. Today you were feeling much better...even to the point of giving smiles without making me beg and talking a little. I am praying by tomorrow you will be feeling close to 100%. Your bottom is still very sore, but is on the mend.

It's been a chaotic and tiring couple weeks. But as my mantra for the last couple weeks goes, "It's part of it." I feel like I said that over and over. Blowing our budget for the month because we pay a fortune for parking gas and meals while in the hospital? It's part of it. Missing you and Daddy? It's part of it. No one gets any sleep? It's part of it. Taking vacation days for this? It's part of it. The "it" I am referring to is having you in our life. But I would much rather go through these things than not. Because, celebrating the tiny things you accomplish that others might take for granted? It's part of it. Having the sweetest cuddle bug there ever was to snuggle whenever I want? It's part of it. Getting a kick out of your sense of humor, and the way your face lights up when you laugh? It's part of it. Loving you more than I could possibly imagine, and the joy I feel when you are able to show me that you love me too? It's part of it. These sweet moments by far outweigh and outnumber the scary and exhausting ones.

Next week will be much better for all of us. Life is a roller coaster. It's part of it.