July 15

We went to see Dr. Kim today, and got good news--we are able to cut back on the dilations some more! Daddy has been probing your bottom ever since your ostomy reversal at the beginning of December--twice a day for the first 6 months, once a day for the past month. I did the math and that comes out to 423 times! So now you only need to be probed once every other day for the next two weeks, and then twice a week for the two weeks after that. Then we will see Dr. Kim again, and hopefully we will be able to stop altogether! Daddy is very excited. He hates being the bad guy.

You change your mind about which one of us is your favorite all the time. Lately it has been me, and Daddy thinks it is because he often has to do painful (or just annoying) things to you, but really, so do I. No matter what the reason, I think you are about to make the switch back to Daddy. Today when he came home you just started grinning and laughing. And he is just as ridiculously happy around you. The other evening I was taking a bath in one bathroom while Daddy bathed you in the other. After awhile he came into my bathroom saying, "Ahhh, look at her!" I immediately thought something was wrong--nope, he just couldn't believe how precious you were wrapped up in your towel. Then while he was getting you dried off, lotioned up, and dressed for bed I could hear him singing to you. (He didn't know I could hear him and stopped as soon as I turned off my water...) I can't remember what he was singing that evening, but he often sings you the same song when you are upset: "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. You really like it when he sings to you. We put you to bed together that night, and I left after you were all settled in. Several minutes later I could still hear Daddy over the monitor, whispering to you in your crib and stealing more kisses. Daddy loves you so much, and you two are so cute together.

These are the lyrics to y'alls song, although he really only sings you the first verse and the bridge.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)