Saturday, April 16, 2011

To go, or not to go?

You, my love, did not enjoy our trip to the zoo. I don’t even have pictures because your face was red and puffy from crying. From the moment we took you out of the car and put you in the stroller, you began to fuss. We ended up carrying you through most of the morning. That wouldn’t have been so bad except it means (a) more sun exposure for you and (b) the person holding you had to juggle pushing the double stroller also, since Liam was out running around. We are getting to a point where we will have to make a decision I never thought would need to be made.

From very early on, I decided we would try to live our lives and treat you as normally as possible. I have seen a lot of families with special needs kids that stay at home because it is easier. They don’t take their kid to the usual kid places because the child doesn’t know any different. I would never judge those people because I know firsthand it is TOUGH. There are a lot of times that I know an event will be more exhausting than rewarding, but I pack you up and go anyway. There is no way for me to really know what you get out of outings like that, but I just feel like being around different people in different places is good for you, so we go. I never want you to be left out of family time and memories. Especially not just to make things easier or more convenient for us. And up until recently, your laidback attitude has made you the easier child to go places with, aside from the packing and planning and potentially awkward sick moments involved.

But these days you really don’t seem to be enjoying yourself. In fact, I would say you are definitely NOT enjoying yourself and act quite miserable. When I consider leaving you behind I feel terrible. But if you would truly be happier at home with a grandma, should I force you to go in order to ease my conscience? Is this just something we have to push through and then my easy-going girl will be back, or is this your new attitude toward being out of your comfort zone?

Clearly there is no right or easy answer. It doesn’t help that your disposition isn’t exactly predictable. While you hated the zoo, you loved Central Market. Both were outside, crowded and loud. This is just one of those things we will just have to ask God for guidance on, trust our gut and decide case by case. For now we are going to keep plugging away doing things as a family. And pray you get happy.

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